Divorce how does it affect

These emotions may arise from feelings of abandonment or loss of control. You may also notice that your social butterfly child has become quite shy or anxious.

They may seem uninterested or even fearful of social situations, like hanging out with friends or attending school events. Academically, kids going through divorce may earn lower grades and even face a higher dropout rate compared to their peers. These effects may be seen as early as age 6 but may be more noticeable as kids reach the ages of 13 to 18 years old.

There are several possible reasons for this link, including that children may feel neglected, depressed, or distracted by increased conflict between their parents. With time, less interest in academics at the high school level may trickle over to less interest with furthering their education overall.

Younger children may show signs of separation anxiety, such as increased crying or clinginess. Of course, this is also a developmental milestone that tends to begin between the ages of 6 to 9 months and resolve by 18 months. Some kids may respond well to a consistent routine as well as visual tools, such as a calendar, with visitations clearly labeled on it.

Toddlers and preschoolers between the ages of 18 months and 6 years old may revert back to behaviors like clinginess, bedwetting , thumb sucking , and temper tantrums. If you notice regression, it may be a sign of increased stress on your child or their difficulty with transition.

These behaviors can be worrisome — and you may not know where to start with helping your little one. The keys here are continual reassurance and consistency in the environment — actions that make your child feel safe. One study poses the question of whether or not children literally carry the weight of divorce. And these effects are particularly noted in kids who experience separation before turning 6 years old. Children in most age groups also encounter sleep issues, which may contribute to weight gain.

This goes back to regression, but also includes things like nightmares or belief in monsters or other fantastical beings that bring about feelings of anxiety around bedtime.

When parents fight, research explains that children go through both cognitive dissonance and loyalty conflict. This is just a fancy way of saying that they feel uncomfortable being stuck in the middle, not knowing if they should side with one parent over another. Kids may also show their discomfort with increased stomachaches or headaches. The loyalty conflict may become even more pronounced as children get older, eventually leading to a total break in contact with one parent though the chosen parent may change with time.

While a child may initially feel low or sad about the divorce, studies report that children of divorce are at risk of developing clinical depression.

Even more concerning, a few are also at higher risk of suicide threats or attempts. While these issues can impact kids of any age, they tend to be more prominent with kids ages 11 years and older. And boys may be more at risk of suicidal thoughts than girls, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Enlisting the help of a licensed mental health professional is critically important for this reason. Related: Yes — children need to take mental health days.

Abuse of alcohol and drugs, aggressive behavior, and early introduction to sexual activity are also possible. Research does not show the same risk for boys. They may be less enthused to enter long-term, committed relationships. And living through divorce shows kids that there are many alternatives to family models.

But when a marriage ends , it's far more complex than that. For one, it's wholly possible you'll never even be in a courtroom with your ex and secondly, there are some truly positive effects of a divorce that you may not have seen coming. We talked to relationship coaches, divorce lawyers, couples counselors, and more to find out what really goes on when a marriage ends. Here are 23 effects of divorce that you may not have heard before. Reality TV and sensational tabloids may give the impression that a divorce is a time of high drama and intense emotions.

But in reality, divorce feels less like the latest twist in a soap opera and more like a death. Understanding that will help to normalize your emotions and can motivate you to get the support you need. She urges anyone going through divorce to seek the professional help they need, and to pay attention to the people they surround themselves with. But just as it's an emotionally fraught time of grieving, divorce is above all a business transaction.

What surprises many newly divorced people is just how much paperwork and money is involved in the process. And keeping one's attention on these mundane aspects of the split can often be the healthiest approach to getting through it. Something that surprises many individuals as they split from a spouse is how rarely they see their ex-partner as the proceedings unfold. Rather than dramatic courtroom showdowns, many decisions are made without you ever having to see your ex. Like marriage, divorce usually requires plenty of compromise.

But it's not as much compromise as you might initially fear, particularly when balanced with the many freedoms that newly divorced people suddenly realize they have. And it isn't just the little personal preference parts either—financially, many of my clients feel both a sense of fear and a sense of excitement when they realize that making decisions over large purchases and investment strategies are theirs alone. It's far tougher to extricate yourself from the person to whom you've been married than you might have expected.

Divorce is a major disruptor in one's life and can bring tons of stress—financial, emotional, even spiritual. But many people who go through it also describe feeling an incredible sense of relief.

Frontera , a divorce attorney and author of Divorce Dilemma. The divorce process and rebuilding my life took over all the fears that stopped me from leaving sooner and I am grateful for the experience.

Frontera says her divorce allowed her to turn the page on the pain of the past, releasing grudges and moving forward with a much greater feeling of freedom. Even in the case of a bitter divorce where there are plenty of bad feelings toward the end, those warm feelings you used to have for your ex don't just disappear, particularly since they're going through many of the same difficulties you are. You expect to lose one of the most important relationships—if not the most important relationship—in your life during a split.

But there's a good chance there will be some additional collateral damage as your marriage dissolves. Many of those who go through a divorce describe how mutual friends are often lost in the process.

And it might not be a matter of a friend choosing one member of a couple over another so much as the change in dynamics. One instructive means of thinking about divorce is to consider divorce not as a single event that influences people's lives, but rather as a process. This conceptualization of divorce suggests that the manner in which divorce ultimately affects children involves a confluence of factors and processes that occur early in the divorce, as well as processes occurring after the divorce.

Moreover, this line of reasoning suggests that many negative effects for children in divorced families may be due to exposure to traumatic experiences and processes that have nothing to do with divorce per se. That is, children whose parents divorce witness negative family interaction prior to a divorce and also experience many life transitions and strained familial relationships after divorce.

This view of divorce as a process has been corroborated in a review of studies conducted in the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Australia Rodgers and Pryor Marriages that end in divorce typically begin a process of unraveling, estrangement, or emotional separation years before the actual legal divorce is obtained.

During the course of the marriage, one or both of the marital partners begins to feel alienated from the other. Conflicts with each other and with the children intensify, become more frequent, and often go unresolved.

Feelings of bitterness, helplessness, and anger escalate as the spouses weigh the costs and benefits of continuing the marriage versus separating. Gay C. Kitson's influential study of marital breakdown describes a distressing process characterized by emotional distance, dissatisfaction, and frequent thoughts and discussions about whether and how to separate. Many unhappy couples explore marital counseling, extramarital relationships, and trial separations, with marital happiness fluctuating upward and downward from day to day and year to year as the marital relationship and marital roles are renegotiated.

These predivorce changes in the family often negatively influence the psychological states of parents; parental stress, anxiety, and depression, in turn, inhibit effective parenting. Paul R. Amato and Alan Booth conducted a rare longitudinal study on a national sample and documented problems in parent-child relationships as early as eight to twelve years prior to parental divorce.

Other studies observe that, before parental divorce, U. Taken together, these studies suggest that the alterations in family functioning that occur during a predivorce process lead to children witnessing their parents fighting, parents' emotional and psychological states deteriorating, and diminishing levels of parental warmth, affection, and supervision.

It is important to note that these changing family dynamics contribute to children experiencing behavior problems prior to parental divorce, and that children's behavior problems, in turn, strain marital relationships, undermine parental well-being, and increase the chances of parental divorce Acock and Demo ; Cherlin et al.

Consequently, some researchers would argue that the negative effects of divorce on children begin well before an actual divorce occurs. For both parents and children, the most difficult and stressful phase of the divorce process is usually the period leading up to and immediately following parental separation and divorce. The uncoupling process takes on several dimensions at this stage, as divorcing parents confront legal challenges and expenses, make their intentions public to family and friends, and redefine their roles as residential and nonresidential parents.

In addition, the process of unraveling and family dissolution continues, coupled with numerous potentially life-altering transitions for children. Following divorce, children live in many different family forms, but the most common pattern is they live with their mothers and have less contact with their fathers.

In the United States, five of every six single-parent households are headed by a mother U. Bureau of the Census As a result, a common alteration that children are forced to make is an adjustment to life without their father at home.

Most children share time between the mother's household and the father's household, and families are creative in finding ways for children to maintain meaningful relationships with both parents. For example, children change residences to accommodate changes in their relationships with their parents, changes in parental employment, remarriage, and stepfamily formation Maccoby and Mnookin Still, most children suffer from declining father involvement after divorce.

National surveys indicate that more than one-fourth of children living in single-mother families never saw their fathers in the previous year, slightly more than one-fourth saw their fathers at least weekly, and among those children who maintain regular contact with their fathers, less than one-third had opportunities to spend significant amounts of time with them. There is evidence, however, that frequent father-child interaction and close relationships are more common in African-American families.

Postdivorce father involvement is also higher among fathers who had very close relationships with their children prior to divorce, fathers who live near their children, and fathers who have joint custody Arditti and Keith ; Mott These studies provide further evidence to suggest that characteristics of families prior to and after divorce ultimately influence the adjustment and well-being of children.

Substantial research evidence shows that, on average, children who have experienced parental divorce score somewhat lower than children in first-marriage families on measures of social development, emotional well-being, self-concept, academic performance, educational attainment, and physical health Amato ; Furstenberg and Kiernan This conclusion is based on group comparisons that consistently show small differences between the average adjustment level of children in first-marriage families and the average level for children whose parents have divorced.

Equally important, but less well understood, is that children and adolescents in divorced families vary widely in their adjustment Demo and Acock That is, many children exhibit delinquent behavior, difficulties with peers, and low self-esteem following their parents' divorce, while many others adjust readily, enjoy popularity with friends, and think highly of themselves.

A useful way of thinking about this is that children's adjustment within any particular family structure e. This latter point raises the possibility that in some cases, parental divorce may have positive effects on children. Children most likely to benefit from parental divorce include those who endured years of frequent and intense marital conflict Amato and Booth ; Hanson , and those who develop very close, mutually supportive, and satisfying relationships with single parents Arditti These studies support the notion that preand postdivorce family environments i.

The preponderance of scientific evidence thus suggests that popular impressions, media images, and stereotypes greatly exaggerate the effects of divorce on children. On average, there are small differences in emotional and social adjustment between children of divorce and children in intact families, and in some instances, parental divorce has a positive effect on children. Most children and adolescents experience short-term emotional, behavioral, and academic difficulties, which usually peak at the point in the divorce process when their parents physically separate and engage in legal battles related to divorce.

These problems tend to subside with time, however. Children tend to be resilient, adapt well to most changes in their family roles and life situations, and exhibit normal adjustment Emery and Forehand Still, a minority remains vulnerable. Following divorce, approximately 20 to 25 percent of children in divorced families experience long-term adjustment problems, compared to roughly 10 percent of children in first-marriage families Hetherington and Stanley-Hagan The children and adolescents who appear to be most vulnerable socially and emotionally are those who experience multiple transitions in parenting arrangements throughout their childhood.

Research indicates that children who experience no changes in family structure e. As the number of parenting transitions increases, children's adjustment generally decreases, albeit modestly. Again, there is wide variation among children who experience multiple family transitions, but the evidence suggests that each change in parenting arrangements represents a risk factor, thus increasing the likelihood that a child will react negatively to their postdivorce environment.

Overall, research suggests that family relationships and economic circumstances prior to and following divorce have considerable potential to influence child adjustment.

Consequently, there are ample opportunities for intervention efforts that may offset some of these negative processes.

Given that a large proportion of U. Although in some instances divorce may have positive effects for children as in the case where exposure to intense and frequent fighting between parents is reduced , in many other situations, changing parent-child relationships, life transitions, and economic strains that accompany divorce present challenges to children's well-being.

Social science research has successfully identified key factors accompanying divorce that negatively affect children, thus illuminating potential areas for intervention.

That is, programs and policies can be developed to address the factors that ultimately compromise children's well-being during the divorce process. Many states require divorcing parents to complete either a divorce mediation or parent education program Emery ; Grych and Fincham These programs are designed to increase parents' understanding of the difficulties that their children may face during the divorce process.

Parents are taught, for example, how to manage their conflict, avoid treating children like pawns in disputes, and to appreciate the importance of maintaining positive relationships with their children.

Studies have shown that following a divorce, parents may find it difficult to maintain optimal parenting behaviors, such as monitoring their children's activities, providing warmth and support, and keeping consistent rules.

Consequently, if programs for parents can intervene and educate divorced parents to the importance of maintaining positive parenting during stressful transitions, some negative effects on children may be mitigated. Other possible areas for intervention include policies and programs that recognize the economic strain that divorcing parents, and especially the custodial mother, often face post-divorce.

Studies have shown that custodial mothers often face dramatic economic losses following divorce, leading to feelings of stress that adversely affect parenting. Researchers have postulated that divorce is disruptive for children largely because the custodial parent faces a significant amount of economic stress in the time period immediately following the divorce Furstenberg Economic loss may trigger multiple transitions for the child e. Social policies should address the economic strain experienced by divorcing parents and recognize its potential to adversely affect family relationships.

Another important step toward reducing the negative effects of divorce on children involves the de-stigmatization of divorce.

Given our cultural emphasis on the sanctimony of marriage and our cultural disapproval of divorce, many children suffer psychologically because they perceive that their family experiences are dysfunctional. Societal mores and cultural beliefs strongly devalue divorced families. Such families in their many forms are judged to be inferior to the traditional nuclear family headed by a male breadwinner and female mother and homemaker who live together from marriage until death, and who produce and rear children in an intact family environment.

The popular North American culture, Hollywood movies, television sitcoms and talk shows, and best-selling books on how to survive divorce perpetuate these images and sensationalize the negative experiences of parents and children living in postdivorce families. In European countries, there is great concern about rising divorce rates, but divorce may be seen as more acceptable, at least in Sweden Wadsby and Svedin Consequently, most U. Another way to allay negative feelings related to divorce, then, would be to counsel children regarding the normative process of divorce, to let them know that they are not alone as children of divorce, and to educate them regarding the healthy functioning of many divorced families.

Finally, scholars in the United States, United Kingdom, and Australia have suggested that social service personnel and officials of the courts could be trained to be supportive of divorcing parents and their children as a means to strengthen family relationships and reduce feelings of stigma. Acock, A. Family Diversity and Well-Being. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. Amato, P. Arditti, J.

Capaldi, D. A Linear Hypothesis; II. Mothers at Risk for Transitions and Unskilled Parenting. Cherlin, A. Demo, D. Emery, R. Haggerty, L. Sherrod, N. Garmezy, and M. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Furstenberg, F. Feldman and G. Grych, J. Hanson, T. Hetherington, E. Demo, K. Allen, and M. New York: Oxford University Press. Kitson, G. Portrait of Divorce: Adjustment to Marital Breakdown.

New York: Guilford. Maccoby, E. Mott, F. Paternal-child Contact in Father-Absent Homes. Najman, J. Rodgers, B. Divorce and Separation: The Outcomes for Children. Teachman, J. United Nations.

Bureau of the Census. Statistical Abstract of the United States, th edition. Washington, DC: U. Government Printing Office. Wadsby, M. Numerous theoretical perspectives have been used to explain how adults adjust to divorce, including feminist theories, social exchange theory, family systems theory, social learning theory, and sociobiological theories. However, many researchers apply family stress theory to offer two general models of adult adjustment.

The crisis model suggests that divorce poses a crisis for divorcing adults that results in temporary declines in well-being, but from which most individuals ultimately recover. The chronic strain model depicts divorce as setting a number of other stressful events into motion e. Research supports both models to some degree. In a review of research from the s regarding the consequences of divorce, Paul Amato found that the crisis model best described the postdivorce experiences of some individuals, and the chronic strain model best described the experiences of others.

He concluded that both models contained some truth, and that the determination of which model more accurately depicted postdivorce adjustment largely depended upon characteristics of the individuals studied e.

Divorce affects the couple economically, mentally, emotionally, and physically.